Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
