i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
