every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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