I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
