you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
