guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Non-Jews are for practice
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
