what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
