the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
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