nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you will always have a special place in my vag
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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