Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
