she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
