apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
