HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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