Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
