You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
