Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
