I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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