Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
