is your mom at the bar?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
