why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
