theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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