My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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