You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
