Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
