She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
