What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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