i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
