Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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