Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
