is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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