Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
