How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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