glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
