You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
