What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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