So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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