When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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