and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
