I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
