Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
