im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
