somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
