I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
