dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
