omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
