Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
