i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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