So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
