Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
