i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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