My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
