please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
