Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
