No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
