Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need moral support for this bender
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
