whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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