I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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